Video: Somewhere Only We Know

Theme music time...

Just finished "He's just not that into you".

Romance...

Is just urban an fairytale.

In real life, we get jaded more often than we like.

tsk tsk... :-(

Tonight's movie...

Tonight's Movie fare. Will be out for a few hours. Feel free to drop me a line.

Christmas at the Christmas House

Fate and Ham

I got to attend my first "Provincial" christmas party last week. As new member of the provincial work force, we were encouraged to attend the party, which, from what I heard, was much-awaited because of the veritably fabulous prizes that were raffled off...

(I didn't expect anything, you know, I'm not a big raffle-winner type of person, so I just did the usual, snap pictures here and there, and just people-watch.)

 

I just got off duty, and hitched a ride with my duty partner, whose husband came to pick us up. He drove about an hour plus to get from work, to the Macias Sports Complex, where the party was always held. We got there in time for the invocation.

A choir from a branch/office (I forgot which) did the invocation.

This was the view from my seat...there were people from the different provincial offices, and the enclosure in the middle was where they kept the "coveted" prizes. :-p

Actually, to be perfectly honest, for fun, I whispered a prayer, "If so-and-so (i.e. person/place/event) was meant to be, let me win a cellphone or a laptop...and I'll take it as a sign..."

That's the governor, Emilio Macias II (actually, he's the guy whose signature appears in my employment papers.hehe).

My seatmates...and workmates.

Being the only unmarried person in the staff kind of makes me feel (and look, haha) like a teenager. :-p

Case in point. :-) My other  co-workers. They were off-duty. Everyone, on-duty or not has equal chances of taking home a prize.

Before anything, though, they had lots and lots of numbers for entertainment. Hehe, including this spoof (and very sparkly) interpretative dance number from the engineering department. 

And so, the gamemaster would call out a name, and then the people mentioned would go up to the awarding area and get their prize.

So guess what, the first prizes they gave out were the 10 pieces of ham. At the time, I was deeply "involved" with a paperback (Love in the time of cholera) in my seat...and then suddenly, I hear my name being called over the loudspeaker. 

("Rats!" I thought, "What does this mean now?" :-p To my chagrin (although I am grateful for the additional ham), I didn't get the "sign" that I asked for. Instead I got something else. My friend Bambi says that maybe it's time for me to get something I need in life, rather than something i WANT, because I could always take care of it when I needed to later.)

 

The wildly popular ABS-CBN Christmas song is being played yet again, with peeps from the provincial hospital lip-synching to it.

People waited til the end for the announcement of the grand prize. I didn't. I got my ham...and I wasn't going home empty-handed, nevermind that I didn't know what my getting ham was supposed to mean.  Either way, I'm lucky, I suppose, because at least I won something, and in the first few minutes of the raffle too. :-p

 

Dr. Q won a...plastic drawer set? It's pretty nifty, I would have liked to have won it to keep all my odds and ends in...

Or a pressure cooker... (no paperbacks/hardbacks raffled off, mind you.)

'Nong Migs flashes his hotdog pillow proudly (I wondered if he asked for a sign too.).

Although I didn't get what I wanted, it was no big deal. Maybe raffles weren't my thing...maybe I was just supposed to win the ham this time, and win big in another.

And besides, it got me to thinking about something someone I know said to me, "Signs are for people who need constant reassurance..."  (That was a paraphrase, but I've been quoting this friend so many times, I'm now hoping it's not too annoying. :-p)

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All in all, a good piece of ham. I like it best when it is sliced chilled...with a good book opened. :-p

Video: Islands in the Stream

This was the song playing when I went downstairs for breakfast... :-) It's a nice song,really. Brings back memories of my happy childhood. :-)

Merry Christmas everyone!

~ S.

Christmas Eve

I stayed at the station 'cause I was doing a "20-20" salbutamol on an asthmatic patient earlier this morning...the loud whirr of the nebulizer was put to the back of my concerns as I tried to get some sleep slumped on my crossed arms on one of the tables.

...I had just started a light light dream about a cellphone message when suddenly i hear rapid footfalls down the corridor, people were running, everyone was in a rush, "Doctor, doctor! My husband won't wake up!!" cried the panicky woman.

The patient was a stout man, 5'9", about 90 lbs, was cold and clammy, and unresponsive when he came in. There was no sign of a pulse, nor a rise and fall of the chest...no signs of life. His pupils were fixed in a wild, empty stare...the cold blue lifelessness had already started to form, it was creeping up from his neck to his face, and his nails and toes had already taken on the lifeless hue.

He had died ("expired") before he got to the hospital. Resuscitation didn't work.

His wife didn't know what happened to him. She had no idea what he had been through the last two years he was abroad for work...no inkling as to what medicines he was taking, what he did there, and all that. Apparently, he had just arrived for the holidays three hours before she saw him just turn rigid in bed, with his eyes wild. And then he was gone.

Two years, two long years of being apart, and now this...a final goodbye on Christmas Eve pa.

It's very unlucky, really. A weird, twisted way to experience loss. To finally have the time to share something (i.e. Christmas) with what (who) you wanted and then have him wrenched away so brutally away from you, I pity the poor woman.

But I did not show it.

I ordered what was supposed to be done and did the medical side of the situation, instead of holding her hand, or crying with them.

For some reason, although it was unfortunate that it happened, I felt that there was probably a big reason for something that's happened, or a bigger cause.  I did my work methodically and as impersonally as I could manage.

I felt detached.

And then, it was over.

What a way to welcome Christmas eve.

In the Pursuit of Happiness

(Disclaimer: It would be better if you saw the movie first, if you haven't yet, so you won't think I'm a whiney, rambling movie-watcher. But otherwise, it's the usual fare. :-))

On a whim, I decided to check out this movie I had heard about last year, Revolutionary Road ,(please be forewarned, clicking on the link will lead to spoilers) which stars Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio.

Perhaps it was not the best time to watch it, as I was feeling a bit tired and down (and not my usual peppy self) when I popped it in the player...

The theme was about the danger of unfulfilled dreams and sinking into the depths of despair because of them...all aptly set in suburbia and the humdrum of the (then) corporate grind of the 50s.

The movie started with the two of them meeting at a party...with casual glances here and there, and a few scenes later, they became a young married couple ready to move into a suburban household (with the "white picket fence" ideology) and ready to start having a family.

At the start of the movie, April (Kate Winslet), who was studying to be an actress, was in a play that wasn't well received. Many people were commenting that she wasn't good enough, and Frank (Leo) was within earshot. When he saw her backstage, the first thing he said was something like, "it wasn't stellar", and patted her on the back.  And then he goes on and on about how she wasn't the only one in the play (which implied that if it sucked, she wasn't the main reason why the play was terrible...in fact the other actors were terrible, as well). When she sniffled and would not talk anymore, he got mad and said that he didn't want to put up with her "bullshit" and ticked off four, maybe five points about how he was right and she was wrong.

(Honestly, I've never seen another male husband character who was so daftly stupid.)

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Now, I suppose this is going to be a long-ish entry on my thoughts regarding the movie, because I have not had the chance to discuss it with anyone else so far... But for what it's worth, I'm summing the movie up as one of being about relationships, marriage, "conjugal dreams", future plans, and essentially, choosing to live life, and not just to exist...

Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio were really very good in this movie...two very talented people who played, yes, the very normal suburban pair (who would've thought it would take two award-winning actors to play such a normal role?) who had to struggle with choices to be made, and dealing with life on a daily basis (they made it look so stressful and difficult, I might add, I'm almost scared to be a suburban housewife, .. I read on wikipedia though, that this mentality was common in the 50's...).

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Since one of my favorite things to talk about is the human condition, I certainly have a number of things to say on some things. Work with me now... :-)

"It wasn't exactly stellar..." - was what Frank said to April when he went inside her dressing room after her very disappointing performance, and to make it worse, he patted her on the back... Any self-respecting (and loving) husband would try to soften the blow first, by being more appreciative of her, and maybe comment on something else, say something nice. (And yes, if a woman doesn't want to talk about something, then she doesn't...although she will,eventually.)

"Let's go to Paris..." - was what April suggested they do when she saw how terribly boring and routine their lives were, and because she remembered him saying the first night they made love, that "Paris was the only place where he really felt things..." She thought that they would take up their stakes and just leave...just go, start a new life somewhere new. Although it didn't sound particularly, well, sound, the idea of them leaving for Paris in a couple of months really made them both happier and gave their marriage a lift...she was happier, and he was doing better in his job.

I would agree, you know... having something to look forward to would give anybody an extra bounce in their step. It is human nature to desire relief from pain (of boredom, and the daily grind), because realizing and not having any prospect of release from a very stifling situation could really break anyone's spirit. Leo's character was just another grey suit on the constantly going morning train that carried other grey suits and delivered them to their cubicles where they would work their daily 10 hours, on and on and on until, well, they retire. And they don't even love their jobs! (How can you expect to live life like that?)

However, on the other hand, responsibilities are to be weighed with the desire to go off into the unknown. Under normal circumstances, we can't always have what we want, and as much as we just want to "just get up and go", it is almost impossible. Why? Because we are tied down...there are other people involved who we have to think about. A friend of mine, R., had this to say when I said that I loved being in Manila, "So why don't you just go?" Of course, it was easier said that done, I had to tell him.

"We can always have the baby in Paris..." In desperation, she had tried to abort the baby (their 3rd, and "accidental") but Frank wouldn't hear of it. She must have been really unhappy to contemplate murdering her unborn child/fetus. And that sealed the deal...Frank was able to convince her that she wasn't thinking right, and that maybe the idea of going off into the unknown and Paris wasn't such a sane idea after all. (He won that round. They stayed.)

" I Love You..." - was what the couple's friend Shep said after  he and April did the deed (after getting drunk and some suggestive dancing in the club), a hurried one, in his car.  That was so silly. Which got me to think that maybe he had a really boring life...

"I loathe the sight of you..." was what April angrily said to Frank when he told her that he would try to make things better between them, even though they weren't going to Paris anymore. I think she was so full of getting disappointed that she figured she didn't care (that he had an affair), and that she couldn't take anymore of his promises when he couldn't deliver.

After which, he became such a terrible nag...going after her, trying to ask what was wrong. She was so mad and you could see how terribly frustrated she was that he didn't get that it was all his fault and that she didn't have any choice left.

It was a weird twist to see her act as if nothing happened in the morning after their big fight, and he should have suspected something was up, but he didn't. He thought everything was back to normal. He happily went back to his work as a salesman in a grey suit, oblivious to the fact that she was just putting on a pretense.

My heart went out to her, you know, in one of the final scenes where she tried unsuccessfully not to cry while she was doing the dishes. In a last attempt at salvaging her chances at what could have been, and in desperation, she tried to abort her fetus herself. she ended up bleeding to death, and dying...

Which made for a very sad ending. In the closing scenes, we find Frank, the husband, sitting on a bench, smiling, looking on while his two kids played in the swings, with a sad sad look in his eyes.

Regret? Maybe...

His boss, who was impressed with his work and wanted to promote him, tried to make him see that there were probably only one or two chances in life where he could possibly become big. Successful. All that jazz.

Well, in retrospect, maybe going off into Paris was probably one of those chances. It was an uncertain future, but who knows, they would've made it together... and everyone would have been happier.

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Lesson learned? Everyone is entitled to his or her own happiness, and oftentimes,it takes a backbone to go after what makes you happy (in the same way that it takes  a backbone to stay and be responsible.), too. A life not well-lived is no life at all.

People, even if they try not to, will always disappoint you in some way or  other., they'll break your heart. Maybe it would be prudent not to depend on people to supply you with the happiness that you need all the time. * sigh *  (Helplessness and Hopelessness, and being brave enough to admit it, too.)

Oh, and another thing...there was this one thing I failed to note... In one scene, Frank confessed that yes, he had been seeing a girl, and that yes, it was definitely over. And April asks him why he had to tell her that, when it was in fact over. What good would it do her? And he says, "I want you to tell me how you feel.." (Duh.)

Haha. Cheating... If that were me, I'd say he didn't have to say it. (In the past, I was cool with hearing about "stories about the past", but now that I'm older, I prefer only "necessary" disclosures. I don't know, that's just me realizing it now.)

Cheating.

She used the word "Loathe".

(Which I said, in the same breath, could mean, detest, abhor, hate.)

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All in all, a thought-provoking, discussion worthy, "bloggable" movie.  And I'm not the only one who thinks so, even Kurt Vonnegut put in his two cents worth on the book this movie was based on...

Good night!

~  S.

Have yourself a merry little christmas...

Wish Lists

Christmas party at work is just right around the corner, next week, actually. They thought about putting up a "Wish List" poster...so everybody could put down what they really wanted. Gift ideas for their Secret Santa. Here's a section of it...

It was pretty funny, when I first saw it... at least it made the legwork (and brain work) of picking out a present easier. They ranged from the simple and direct... 

...to the semi-simple and easy...(because you still have to figure out if he wants a Swiss [wall clock] or not)

To the practical...

 

And also to the very short notice* (and maybe even near-impossible)...

(Translation: "A wife, even an elderly one"!)

and then finally, to the one that's of course, Mine.

 

(It's a low price range, so I didn't exactly ask for the moon. Maybe I'd like to have it all gift-wrapped...a parker gel pen in black, a Sherlock Holmes book that I spied in Fully Booked, a blusher from Maybelline, and a scrapbook for my pictures. (Bow!))

The Christmas Party's next week, and we're supposed to do a little dance too. :-p Bring it on, I love a good party, anytime. I reckon I've "assimilated" into the whole workplace culture already...

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Christmas has always been one of my favorite times of the year. I'm looking forward to the family parties and all the fun memories of the Christmas season...and although I know all i've talked about on this entry are presents, I'd like to say that there is something more to it that that.

And, as a side note, if I was asked what I really wanted for Christmas, I'd have to say that it was a little more expensive. I'd like to have 3 things, either altogether at one time, or one by one, whichever happens first. They'd start with a letter "L", a letter "B" and a lastly, a letter "Y".

...and they come with a steep price tag.

:-p But that's my wish list. 

What's yours?   

- S.

Mini-moments

While getting ready for work tomorrow and typing up a resume, I had the impulse to come over and blog a little about my twice-weekly occupational involvements (a.k.a. my job at the hospital) at a municipality 2 hours away from my place.

I've been having a great time, learning, actually...and there is always something new to learn everyday, new people to meet (and help)...newer moments to appreciate and think about. Believe me.

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The other night I was on duty, a mother and father brought in their 6 month-old kid who had been coughing all night. I checked with my stet, wheezes. I examined him all over and asked what that funny smell was...apparently, his mother had rubbed leaves on him. It didn't help him any and he was thus brought to the hospital. While the kid was being nebulized, I couldn't help but get a closer look. He was bright little kid...readily made eye-contact and responded right away. I couldn't help but soften up at the way he would stare at me with his big dark brown eyes and then smile, as if to say, "Hey Lady, let's play.."

But then again, which baby wouldn't? I have a soft spot...no, a weakness for babies. All it takes is a smile, a coo, or a sign of little distress, and I'm taken. :-p This was a funny little naughty baby, too. While I was examining him before sending him home, he reached out and kept playing with the zipper of my jeans... I had to laugh, and I went, "Aww...your kid is so cute, Mrs. X..." "Buyag, Doctora...".   And then I said it again after a  few more minutes of examining, and the she goes, "Buyag..." and then she asked if I were pregnant or something.

I laughed, and I assured her that I was not.

(It's a superstition in some parts (especially in the general area where I work) that saying "Buyag" or "Puera Buyag" to someone who praises your kid's looks, or attributes will be a countercurse, so that any evil spirit in the midst would think twice about harming their kid. She asked if I was pregnant too, 'cause it was possible that I had taken a fancy to her son. )

 (Haha, nothing could be further from the truth...me being pregnant, I mean.)

After reassuring her that that was not the case, and then sending them home with strict instructions and a prescription, I realized that the kid did remind me of someone that I used to be friends with, funnily enough. But then, I just smiled and  thought nothing of it afterwards...I was a sucker for babies anyway. :-p

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There was this 40+ year-old lady who came in because she couldn't pee properly. The history and PE revealed that there was indeed an infection and it was causing significant urinary problems. She came in that night in distress because her full bladder had her in terrible pain. We treated her. She was a nice lady, very trusting and followed my instructions to the letter. I was touched when she said that it was such a big problem for her, even making love (and intercourse) was painful...when it really didn't have to be (because the root infection was treatable). One time, during a check-up, she apologized for having arrived late because she had to walk two hours from where she lived (in the mountains) to get to the hospital...

(And there I was, complaining about my two-hour bus ride...she obviously had the rougher end of the deal.) Anyway, since she was such a good patient, and she took all the prescribed medications, things worked out extremely well for her. She got cured. And it was definitely something to feel good about. Everything worked out well, no more pain...not in just the usual bathroom rituals, even in making love. :-p

(:-p Of course, that's always a  good thing for patients.)

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A 7 year-old kid's foot got burnt after he attempted to put out a burning piece of plastic by stamping on it with his foot. Do'h. :-p Well, his foot got really bad and swollen...it was a second degree burn and was really painful, he couldn't sleep at all, that was why they brought him there. I cleaned it and dressed it, after giving him pain meds. All the while, he was silent, quietly observing me while I picked at it, not saying a word...even  until after I cleaned it, and until his mother hoisted him up and proceeded to carry him to head for home.

I was writing on his chart, oblivious to anything else, because I had already given instructions...and then the next time I looked up, he looked at me and smiled. A small, innocent smile. And then he was gone.

Maybe it was a thank you smile, or something, but for whatever its worth, that made my day.:-)

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The"mini-moments" can mean a lot, too.

~ S.

P.S. Good luck on your interview, A. :-) Break a leg (or should I say, "Charm the panel to death?". (And have fun in BookSale afterwards dayon. hehe)

Hack and Slash

For some reason, I always wind up with patients with decaying body parts...

It's not their fault, but I do take a long time to dress these patients. It's not that I'm slow, but I like taking my extra time to really clean out dead tissue, to mop up the blood, clean out the pus...the works. It smells really bad most of the time, that disgustingly dead, (but now familiar)smell of flesh that has not seen the light of day, for a very long time.

Trust me, it is an experience, it assails your senses at first meeting. And, depending on how bad it is, it'll make you want to cancel that lunch date you've been planning with someone.

That bad.

Hmm...so what causes it? Where do you often get these "decaying" body parts? Well, most of the time there's the common "diabetic foot", there's necrotizing fasciitis, among others. For tonight's discussion, however, let us focus on the one my patient has. He has had pressure ulcers (that have become infected) from not having been cleaned, properly...for the past two weeks. You can smell decayed flesh from a corridor away.

I won't say what his case was exactly, but suffice to say, he was left in bed for weeks, and thinking they were helping him, his relatives would apply a poultice of mashed nut somethings on his ulcers. AND Betadine. (tragic, really.)

So when he got to the hospital, he was feverish and his ulcers were in pretty bad shape. For some reason, I take it as a personal mission to clean these suckers out, dress them and keep them clean...and do the same thing again every day.

The last time I did this for another patient, his leg got all better...and he got to go home after a long long time of being in the hospital (but it wasn't because of my dressing his leg only, of course. :-p).

I suppose, aside from the fact that it should be done for the patient's good, the act of taking out the bad, dead, devitalized tissue to allow living tissue to granulate and form into new muscles/skin is pretty symbolic. It is a Zen-like experience to have to suffer [the stench, the cost, the time] and to forget yourself, even for a while, because this other person depended on that help you were giving him. He couldn't do it himself, and so he would surely appreciate your efforts. Seeing change and improvement by taking out the bad stuff from something that's meant to be living, useful flesh is therapeutic. In my opinion, it is as much your healing as your patients'. (I can always relate to everything...it almost makes me selfish.:-p)

Honestly speaking, when it comes down to it, dressing/debriding meticulously is as much as good for me, the doctor,as it is for my patient. It is a symbiosis, a mutualism that he or she doesn't know about...because most of the time, they think they're the only ones benefiting from it. ;-p

(Of course, there are select cases...some patients can get downright demanding and would want to be dressed more than once a day, paging and paging. This case in point is about the one patient you would dress when you had the time to sit down to it.)

Video: "Turn Your Lights Down Low"

So I wouldn't have to sing it.