Sunday, December 28, 2014

Spencer Reid

Matthew Gray Gubler.

:-) I'm a big fan of geeky geniuses. especially ones like him. #celebritycrush

Salmon Pink Christmas 2014

My family has this tradition of wearing a singular color for the year... we've done yellow, green, red and orange...and other colors, but it so happened that this year, the largest number of votes went to salmon pink. :-p

(Next year it will be blue.)

This is not a flattering picture for some people here, but I just liked how this one showed different personalities there... :-)

Looking forward to next year~

Sunday, December 14, 2014

before the goodbye.

I feel a bit melancholy tonight...

After reading Cecelia Ahern's book, "Love, Rosie", I thought I'd rest my mind from thinking about the myriad of activities this week, and worrying about them... but the opposite effect rang true. I got sadder and sadder with every page.

I love speed reading, so I read it like a race care driver would do his laps...chapter after chapter, until I realized that it was dragging on too long, and the denouement was so agonizing.


And then I went outside and stared out at the city which I have grown to love over the past four years (and apparently always have in my heart, since I was a child), and I felt even sadder.

From my balcony, the lights were twinkling, the wide landscape was alight with different pinpoints of color. I had my starry sky right there in front of me... Then there was the "cacophony" of sounds that never bothered me from this fact, it was as much a relaxing white noise than the beaches... 

I'll be leaving soon, and going back to my hometown. And it pains me so much because I know I'll have to leave it all behind.It was a great four years....of learning, of freedom, of choices made, of promises, and of being broken and made whole again over and over. 

 and I don't know when I'm coming back...

Perhaps my peace is here...and not among the crashing waves, nor the cacophony of pedicabs, or the harsh sun...

Yes, I am sad tonight. 

Monday, October 27, 2014


Some songs make me sad sometimes...

Snow Patrol's song is making me a tad bit sad right now...

The cadence, the lyrics...

Or is it the singer's breathy vocals that talks of young love?

There will always be songs that will take you to times in your life that you'd rather not...write about. Some things are just so etched in the most integral parts of your brain that you can't seem to grow out of it... it becomes part of your working memory.

Your life...


When I have particularly bittersweet memory, I tend to talk about myself in the second if trying to see if other people share that particular experience. Mostly, I end up alone with my musings. Perhaps there is a pining that one's heart can never forget completely... perhaps there is that memory that will always remind me of the pain that I felt and thought that I would never forget.)

But I think I did... I hoped I did.

I think I wanted it, though, wanted to feel the bittersweet pain that poets dreamed of, and prayed to the heavens on their knees for... I knew it then, and I don't know if I still want it now, but...

It is is not something I would easily forget. But I must let it go.


U2. With or without you. 

another one of those anthems...

I wish I never opened that wound. 

Everything else just follows.


And then, we make a choice. Or someone makes it for us.

And it helps make things clearer by the day, the year...

And then it won't hurt so much anymore...




Sunday, October 26, 2014


" will you still love me...when i'm 64?" - The Beatles


a 10 year-old patient of mine this afternoon asked me, "how old are you?" 

I just smiled, and said, "how old do you think i am?"


hence the beatles song. 

(Gotta love kids. :))

Wednesday, October 22, 2014


There's never a boring day in Psychiatry...

I don't think i'll ever tire of talking to people...

Today I ran the gamut of child cases to general adult to consultation-liaison (inpatient Psychiatry), and it has been nothing short of amazing.

It's not easy talking to don't talk to them just the sake of talking to them. And I would never call what I do "counselling"... it connotes something more passive. Counselling is like telling someone what to do, in the best way YOU think is right for him or her...

That doesn't work all the time, you know.

I don't think it is even sitting on a chair, having the other person lie down on a couch and letting them spew their life stories out. Nah...

Cute, but no. It is actually a science...the science of the mind and behavior. We don't just talk to people, we also diagnose... and it takes a lot of experience and guidance to be able to see the nuances, and to do something about them.

The age of the brain and the mind is very exciting. I'm so glad to be on the cusp of my training. <-- I hope to graduate this December. :-)

I'll never tire of the learning... it invigorates me.


Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Maybe you don't have to analyze so much...

One time I told some boy a dream I had (he was also in it.)

And he said Analyze it.

I think I've been overworked...I want to take a load off and try to think of something else. Some thing that I actually enjoy doing, but I can't...

I'm too wound up, and when I do think of why I am wound up or why I should do something else, I tend to get dizzy and confused... I just handed in a paper, and because I was so tired, with spirit broken and all, I immediately thought to myself, "Oh, this is trash. This is shit. Pure and simple. This will never make it..."

And then I thought about how you should always believe in yourself, and how negative thoughts will perpetuate negative attitudes... so I ended up with another headache. I just want to keep still, alright and not do anything work-related for a while.

(Everyone else is asleep.)

Maybe I should do it too.... But I can't seem to make myself stop and sleep a few winks.

There is too much at stake.

(What do I do, that would be helpful right this very minute?)




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