Consultant rounds

This morning, I felt like an intern getting ready for consultant rounds.

The new doctor on board was starting rounds in a few hours... I had to get my act together earlier than planned to make notes and do rounds on the admitted patients of the day.

He was a practicing pediatrician, and had a private practice in one of the nearby towns. Only in his mid-thirties, he had finished his training in one of the busiest hospitals in Cebu and had been practicing privately for about 3 years. He had his own clinic at his house, and told me that he had gotten medical equipment from Bambang in Manila, because it was cheaper there.

He looked younger than his real age, probably because of a young countenance, and his choice of work clothes of jeans, sturdy Skechers and a polo shirt. He completed the look with a pediatric stethoscope with fuzzy animals as trimmings. I was taller than he was, and i was wearing a pencil skirt and sandals, so i presumed I looked older.

But that doesn't matter, I was looking forward to doing rounds with the new doctor. A bit nervous to begin with, because I knew that he had had training (and was probably used to terrorizing juniors) and that with him on board, I was going to have to be on my toes more often. Still, I welcomed the opportunity to learn. It was so refreshing, really. After months and months of working in the set-up that I did, I was hungry for something new... someone to discuss cases with, someone to learn from.

With my notes in hand, we went around with rounds, and he gave me some pointers on this, pearls on that, and anecdotes on similar cases that he had had. Admittedly, I thought I was going to "tiptoe" around him, like I would my seniors and mentors, but it was good, actually. The morning rounds made me miss going back to school, and learning. As much as my job is as comfortable as it can get, I feel that at this point in my career, I need to learn all I can.

(Even if it hurts. the knees. and breaks the heart. occasionally.)

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Interviews in a few days. *sigh* Here we go again. :-)

To be perfectly honest, I have a lot of things on my mind...about training and life besides. I don't even know where to start to talk about it. Which is totally uncharacteristic, because I do love to talk about things, and write about things. But now, I'm in state of being dazed and confused. And I can't even put my finger as to why. Perhaps all the things happening lately...the feeling of wanting to be good enough...the anxiety of the interviews...wondering whether you've made the right choice....wondering if you've made a mistake... the dread of not being chosen...

I'm not perfect, ok? But i'm willing to work on getting to be as good as i can. 

The list is seemingly endless.

I miss Lolo. really. He always knew the right things to say to me...

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Deep blue funk, begone. I don't really need you, right now.