The Dream.

Just a few minutes ago, I woke up with a start.

The phone had rang, and I had just heard a surgery resident on the other end, asking about the psych resident on-duty. <—he meant of course, my Junior duty-mate, Joff, as the first years usually handle the ER cases, unless of course, they’re of Sexual abuse/Child psych/Pay.

 

What a weird dream…

The vestiges of my dream remain, and I do remember the vivid images of some alien kingdom, where, an evil twin sister-in-law of the king challenges his rule. In the scene, he accidentally stabs himself with the sword. and While the evil twin sister looks on, the queen decides to stab herself, and the baby inside her as an offering (since the father, the king was dead anyway).

I remember the big, jeweled sword, sink into the voluminous folds of her gold, multi-layered dress, and shuddered (in my dream), why would someone do that??

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I did a report on Dreams once, with Dr. BVR looking on, and supervising us pre-residents, as well as more senior residents during that time. I had specifically volunteered for it, as dreams were an interesting topic, and in Psychiatry, there was no one else who knew more than he did.

So when I had this dream, I was especially worried.

Dreams usually are more useful if the dreamer interprets the dream himself or herself. Symbolisms abound, but they are only significant if the dreamer makes sense of it on his or her own.

Psychiatrists don’t do that for them. Psychoanalysis is quite strict on the matter.

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So what does that mean?

Perpetuating death?

The evil twin sister looking on?

Garish clothing and royalty?

I don’t know, really… I’m still trying to make heads or tails out of it…

 

Dreams are symbolic representations of inner, unconscious wishes and desires which come out during our less guarded moments, i.e. sleep. For most of us, our anxieties and problems stem from some hidden desires or conflicts that we would rather not talk about during when we are awake, and therefore are troublesome. The ego (that part of our psyche which balances out our basic “animal” desires and correspondingly our strict sense of conscience) tries to maintain sleep and prevents our problems from coming out and ruining our peaceful sleep.

From my readings on psychoanalysis, dreams are not to be interpreted by the therapist, rather, the patient is helped along in interpreting it.

So… I think, for now,this morning, in my fuzzy state of mind, I would believe that the evil twin sister is a side of me…that’s allowing an integral/important aspect of my work (i.e. looking on) or my personality die. I’m letting my work ethic die. and with the killing of the baby, every little aspect of whatever good could be, i.e. success in my career, die.

…

 

yes, I think that is it.

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Boy, am I awake.