The big oral exam

The best place to study would be poolside, where I live. There's a good breeze (So not Manila
-like), and the people pretty much do their own thing all the time.

I'm kind of feeling the willies over the oral exam tomorrow. I have the tendency to talk really fast when I'm nervous, and to begin with, I already talk fast to begin with, be it in whatever language or dialect. It's almost, well...manic.

:-p

One time, I had a supervisor who wanted me to tape my interviews with patients, and I found out some surprising things about myself, I.e. I tend to talk (a lot) with my hands, and that I shouldn't wear a dress and that among others, I shouldn't be too, well, perky (because I usually am.haha)

And an important thing to note was that I shouldn't be wearing a skirt with a hemline above my knees, and that pants are better becAuse they make it easier for you to run when you need to. Oh, and that I shouldn't stAy within "grabbing" or "kicking" distance from the patient.

Its funny watching yourself do an interview on video. On can never really be aware of their own little tics until they see it for themselves. Oh, and another useful thing I learned from that was that...the angle from the left suits me better than the other. Haha.

----

it is the first year anniversary of my grandfather's death today, and I've been meaning to write something special about it. I was going to do it the other night but I didn't get to becAuse I was crying. Nd I was tired from work. But mostly, it was because I missed my grandfather so much.

I wasn't with him when he died. I was 2 hours away at the hospital where I worked then, and I had just done my first 24 hour shift when my cousin Chris called to tell me that Lolo was indeed gone. I was just quiet at first, but when it finally sunk in, I had to cry. And not just cried tears, I sobbed like a big kid. But I could not apologize for what I was going through that day, that big loss that I had felt in my heart. My grandfather, the kindest person I had ever known was forever gone, and I had never had anyone close to me die, and leave me like this.

I stayed in the doctors quarters for most of that morning (luckily I didn't have any patients that morning), and just lay motionless, wallowing in the finality of my loss. My friend Ivy called me after I texted her (she lost her dad at an early age, and she understood). I called another friend as well, someone I felt I could talk to about anything then, and he just listened while I talked about what I had felt. He had never met my grandfather, of course, but I felt much much better after I talked to him. I recall that he teased me about it, it almost felt like he was just patronizing me. But in the end, I felt a whole lot better after hearing his voice, I almost felt like I was home.

Losing people we love is never easy...they have become a part of us, in such a way that when they die, it's almost as if a part of your heart was also taken away.

------

I grew up with a lot of love, I suppose. And I have a lot to give. And I'm very thankful for that.

-----

(I miss you, lolo.)


----

Happy Sunday everyone.

Love,

s.