Tuesday, July 5, 2011


They say real friends dish it out to you, straight.
That's the mark of true friendship.
It smarts, actually, and really digs deep into the core of your being (and because only true friends have that right), i just really wish for tact sometimes. As I was saying to a friend yesterday, "As per the ego and milieu concept, the resolution of crises along the way makes for a better, more capable ego (and in this situation, mine). 
But then again, why do I ask something, which I can't handle the question to, right? (Which makes it kind of silly. And I'm starting to think it's become a coping mechanism...i.e. "Find out what's wrong, so you can improve on it.")
Yet, I ask anyway. Why do I want to know, anyway? Why do I even compare?
I've always been a sucker for self-improvement, learning...all that jazz. I just hate it though, when I feel like everything I've ever done is negated and my good points, and things I am proud of about myself, don't actually measure up after all.
This, of course, does not make me depressed right now, of course, I am merely stating the fact. True friends dish out the truth, but I keep wishing that they knew how to temper things...and try to understand more. If you're looking for sympathy, probably the best people to ask would be people who really know you.

Over the past few days (and ironically, while I'm on super organic Neurology rotation), I learned that you can't be effective if you put your biases on people. Patients come to you and begin to establish a relationship with you as their "significant"'s the least you could do to clear yourself of your own biases and inner turmoil so you could be objective, and guide them along a path that's helpful for them, and not cathartic for you.
The patient IS there for a reason...and it's usually not for your problems or biases. 

I have a problem with goodbyes. as with being taken for granted. Just because I'm nice doesn't mean I graciously allow people to trample all over me. 
Some people just waste their talent. Procrastinating is the same thing. I've been thinking about it all day, actually. Ecclesiastes stresses that there IS a time for everything, but hey, the present pretty much is the only existing reality, isn't it?
Einstein would agree.

I've just been under a lot of stress. I love my job of course, but i can't help but feel tired sometimes...sometimes the weight of the psychotic world can get terribly overbearing. I yearn for a reprieve from all this. Or something to look forward to. or someone to do something nice for me, from out of the blue, for no reason, other than because they feel I deserve it.
White roses stand to mean affection, "I am worthy of you" and "I am faithful." 
Relationship lesson of the week: "Girls who allow emotional abuse... aren't very smart." Ladies, get a guy who respects you, and is ready to give you the world...and if he can't, at least show you that you matter enough to make him try just that to make you happy.


Is true love really supposed to bring out the best in someone? So when someone makes you feel like crap and makes you feel "unpretty" and stupid is not it? 

well well well...
Big Big oral exam on Monday. Must go back to work.
Much love, 


P.s. Obviously, I'm not in a very good mood tonight...


  1. Hmmm, I know I only know you on-line, but I haven't seen anything that needs improvement or any reason to look for comparisons.

    I've lost a friend or two over the years because at some point they took it for granted I would do the work needed to keep the friendship going. When they realized we'd lost touch, they wanted to know what was wrong with me--so I told them, very clearly. Those friends faded away quickly after that. Being nice is great, but even that is only good up to a point.

    Relationships have their highs and lows, but true low should never make you feel like crap. Even during the worst of times, there should be mutual respect and concern.

    Good luck with the exam!!!

  2. "true LOVE sould never make you feel like crap" What a typo!!!

  3. Hi rick! Thanks for the kind words... there are just some times that i feel "less optimistic" about things. Still, true friends are supposed to dish out stuff straight, right? Sometimes though, I just feel like it's a masochistic activity.

    I'm almost tempted to say that ignorance can be bliss. "Ego-syntonic", that's what i call it.




Popular Posts