So what if it hurts me?

      Having drunk a mug of coffee a few hours before going to bed,I was up and about again. I had just gotten off the phone with a good friend of mine, and although that would usually cap my day, it was cut short...

     My heart was beating a pitter-patter race (I hope it was coffeine-induced, because I only drink one to none a day, whereas before, I'd be drinking up to 4 cups a day.)... :-p

    Coffee keeps you up at the most inconvenient times, and since I wasn't one to just wait (tossing and turning) until sleep comes while I had thoughts in my mind, I decided to go downstairs to find something to do.

This was the first video I saw when I turned the TV on...

     Leona Lewis is a beauty, and although her songs sound pretty much alike (i.e. Bleeding Love, Only in Time (?)) were pretty "timely" when they came out, I thought, what the heck, I might as well watch this...    

It has a theme-y type of beat to it...something that you could easily adapt to your life. (LOL...here I go again.) Boom Boom...it goes, like the beat of your heart, you could almost say she was singing that song for you. "Go girl," she's saying, it seems..

Anyway, I saved you all the trouble and got the lyrics embedded here too.

- Leona Lewis Lyrics 

The video starts innocently enough...there were the makings of a romantic match...touchy-feely guy, body language, the looks, the parties, the nights-out, oh the even the "Scooch over, I don't want to get caught in the rain, can I take up more of your personal space than is really necessary?" scenes... :-p There was even a family dinner involved. The guy was practically a regular at the Lewis household...

There's a scene there where he got closer and held her hand, but since she drew it away, it seemed that she didn't want to...she was scared. (That pretty much sealed the deal...or, broke it.)

And so began the wistful looks, the regret, the preludes to loneliness...we see her touching old wedding pictures. It was paradoxical how, the song was all about "going for it",  and seizing the day, going after what would really make you happy, so you would have no regrets later, because, as we all know, there is no such thing as taking back a day, no such thing as undoing something that's already been done.  The visuals showed a girl who clearly liked a beautiful, perfectly right boy (who clearly liked her back too), but didn't do anything about it... only to be the one on the sidelines, pretending to be happy for this same beautiful boy, forever losing that something that would have been great with him.

I think that left a more enduring image...a more powerful one.

A wake-up call, that, if you really wanted to be happy, you really had to get up on your own two feet and do something about it.

So what if it hurts you in the end? What if you get lost and confused in the process? At least, you knew. You didn't let your life pass you by...

It's not just about love, I suppose, it's about life in general, the victor is the one who got bloodied and hurt, but tried, and definitely not the spectator up in the stands...

...nor the pretty bridesmaid who could have been the bride.

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Of course, one doesn't always get what he/she wants, but making the choice of going through the confusion (and maybe pain) of making a choice and sticking to it makes all the difference. We live and learn. Standing by is not living... it's just being, hmm...there, and you won't have anything to show for it anyway.

(And yes, it might be embarrassing to talk about later, but what the heck, it'll be a story of your own to tell.)

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Edit: Rereading this entry a few hours later has made me realize how seemingly ruthless it makes me sound...as if I would go after anything (or anyone) without any trepidation. That's not it, the "moral of this story" is that if there something you want, you shouldn't just let it go easily, with every "battle" being fought at the right place and time, for the right reasons.