Monday, September 20, 2010

When you "know" (and other stories)

I was in heaven last Sunday.

My caramel Macchiato grande. Grazie.
With mountains and oodles and stacks of books everywhere, "Fully-Booked" at Bonifacio High Street ia one of my favorite places to be in.  I was there with my friend C. for a private screening of an indie film (there's actually one every month) of one of his friends (his, "famous" friends, I always tease).

I enjoyed it immensely. As of now, I cannot talk about the movie we watched, but it would suffice to say that it's probably going to be big when it comes out.

It was a good creative process. They called that gathering "The Critics Preview", and at the end of the film, the film people had a free-for-all discussion, taking in questions and comments, and getting the audience's opinions and suggestions. It was a very stimulating creative process. I especially loved the multi-layered quality of the movie. There was a rationale behind every shot they did and it was fascinating to listen to the director talk about the intricacies that went behind the making of the film.

Myself in the audience. Of course I asked me question. lol.
Sitting in the audience, I felt so giddy. I always did love being in a creative environment and I have a deep, deep respect for the talented people who value and pursue their chosen art form, seeing its completion through at all cost.


A group of writers was heard to have once said that perhaps the hardest topic to write about was that, without sounding too corny (this statement was paraphrased).

I didn't agree at first, because I've always thought of it as a fairly easy topic that anyone can relate to, everyone must have at some point or other fallen deeply and hopelessly in love and has to have some story to share about it. People fall in and out of love all the time. Then I realized that to distill it from its raw emotion to something pure and beautiful without being too heavy or overbearing as an art form is quite difficult after all.

I suppose this is true...when writing, one is tempted to add elements of oneself into the mix, with different results. What is true for one, may not necessarily be what the reader wants to take into himself or herself. It's terribly daunting a task, and the last thing you want to be is overbearing. Love, is multi-dimensional, an experience that is the different, yet is the same...yet still very different in that way, for every lover. It takes much expertise to make it come together beautifully.

Photo by Tom Epperson.
I made a big decision a few days ago, one that involved how my career was going to flow for the next (precious) few years. It amused me how I had nurtured something for a long time, but when it finally came down to deciding whether I really wanted to go through with it, it turned out that it wasn't what I wanted after all.

As funny as it may sound, I have no regrets of letting go of something that I had thought was my dream.

Someone I admired in my field, at one time said that when she finally made a decision after being in the same situation I was, she felt utter peace. "Contrary to popular opinion, the heart and the mind are rarely in conflict."

It was a calculated risk of a  decision based on intuition and asking myself, "Is this what I really want? and "Will I be happy here?" Like most everyone I suppose, I have a built-in sense of intuition that I always listen to when it "calls".It has never failed me.

I've learned that if something doesn't feel right, and I experience much internal turmoi, it is always best not to go through with it. The last time I did, I spent a considerable amount of time involving myself in something that I didn't finish anyway.

One usually just "knows" if something is going to work out... it's almost like an evolutionary life instinct. What we do about it is entirely up to us.

Hershey's rose, in my favorite color.
My cousin Hershey spent a few days with me at my place. She's 17 and in her sophomore year in college. Because she's a younger cousin, I feel intensely protective of her and as such, I attempted to gently giving her a talk about "the birds and the bees". It was an (internally) harrowing experience for me, because I've always thought of my younger cousins as little kids...who'll never grow up OR are too young to face what the "big bad world" has in store for them. (I was wrong, of course. LOL. You have to give kids these days more credit.)

She gave me a rose, a pink one, after we were walking around the mall and I gushed over the flowers we saw at one stand. The gift, although given out of a subtle coercion (haha) was awfully touching. I read the card, and she wrote "Thank you for being an inspiration to me..." and...she gave a piece of love advice that really had me thinking.

Surprise, surprise. :-)


I just realized something.

I was thinking about how, like in the King Solomon dilemma of the two mothers, where, he was made to decide as to who the real mother of the baby was. The wise king gave the baby to the woman who decided to just give the baby away to the other woman (who wasn't the mother) just so the baby wouldn't be killed.

In life, you'd have to give up something or some people because you know it'll be the best for them.

Please, Carabao? (Photo by Tom Epperson)
Tony Soprano is becoming one of my favorite tv characters these days.

I'm a little late, but ever since I've gotten a copy of the whole six seasons from a friend, I've been watching them a little at a time. James Gandolfini fits the character to a T. Lorraine Bracco does a pretty good job as his psychiatrist, Dr. Jennifer Melfi. It must be hard to maintain a poker face when you're seeing a patient like Tony Soprano. (I reckon I should adopt her thing.)

He's sweet and funny, and he's got good intentions, despite the Mafia Boss demeanor, which makes him a lovable character.
One time, he  says to the Psychiatrist: " I think about you all the time. I'm in love with you."
And she says to him, "It is all part of the process. You're making progress."

haha. cute. all that sexual tension between them...
Ah, L'amour fou*, thou art bane. 

(* "Crazy love")
Planner, found at Fully-booked. But I didn't buy this one, though.


  1. People usually think I'm crazy, but for some time now I've believed that for most of us, our "dream" is just that which keeps us focused until we find out what we really want.

    I believe you when you say you were in heaven--you look especially nice holding those two cups...the look of a person in a good place. =)

  2. You've decided not to go to UST? I'm somehow slow. We need to catch up!



Popular Posts