Random, Semi-Secret Tales of Life, Loves, and Medicine. My days during the the Psychodynamic Leap, and doing Psych Residency in Manila.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Luneta Park
Nothing serious, just a day that happens to most everyone at times...things don't seem to be going your way, and sometimes its an effort to get out of bed. (The fact that I had paperwork to catch up on, and an impossible assignment to report about, didn't help my condition at all.)
Well, to add to that, I missed the UST fireworks (I love fireworks..). My friend JC had told me about it, and he said that they were probably going to have fireworks again. Tito Father said that I should go, it was going to be fun in UST. It didn't push through, much to my chagrin.
Anyhoo...whenever I have these "down times", i usually just sleep it off, or sometimes talk it out with a close friend. For Friday night, my "radio host" was my cousin Christo. I have a phone on the Sun network i use for patients, which is also pretty convenient to use to call home, so we chatted on that. After a long time of catching up, and pep talk, here was the gist of the story, " You know, S., you're where you want to be, doing the job you want to do. This is not the time to let anything, or anyone get you down."
(heck, even a psychiatrist needs a little pep talk every now and then.)
-----
Saturday morning was a beautiful day...the clouds were cirrus (which meant great weather later), and the air was crisp and cool. I didn't have work, so I decided it was time to see the city's sights, or one of them, at least. From my window, I could see nearby Luneta park, just some blocks away. It would be fun to take pictures. (Taking pictures of people always was a joy.)
I left my camera at the Hospital call room, so I decided to fetch it before setting out. My phone has the same megapixel power as my camera, but there's nothing quite like the feel of a Canon. (Especially Mine. *love*)
It was still pretty early in the day, but apparently not for other people. I saw a friend walk by that morning, obviously in a hurry. I figured he had a 7AM time in schedule, which was pretty much why he was walking in quick, long strides. I was just going to trail behind him, because I was in no hurry, but he called me over when he saw me. He chatted a bit, but didn't break the pace. He looked like he just hopped out of bed (that probably wasn't his own, judging from the size of his backpack, or the clothes he was wearing, :-S) and dressed in a hurry for work. I was going to tease him about it, but then I realized that I shouldn't...I myself hadn't showered anyway, and besides, it was none of my business to.
----
Anyway, when I went to the park, I did a bit of sightseeing...quite like a regular tourist. the last time I'd been in Luneta was years ago, and I was a different, younger person then. :-)
It was a bit of a walk, just the perfect cardio exercise to perk me up. For some reason, the air was quite fresh, for manila. Instead of doing the quiet walking around, and being lost in thought, I was doing my favorite role...the tourist-type photographer, but for people. ;-)
Which makes me a photojournalist?
:-)
Blogger is not cooperating and letting me upload my pictures, so you'll have to check them out here. Captions provided, for your reading pleasure.
-----
Saturday morning was a good learning experience. One of the mature defense mechanisms, as we all know is Sublimation, which involves us taking our anxieties and troubles from inside and taking them out, reworking their energy into something useful. I may not be able to do it all the time I get into a funk, but trust me, if you're in one, doing something constructive definitely helps. Heaps.
(photos here.)
Happy Sunday!
Dear Bruno
Dear Bruno,
I love your song.
The last time someone told me a line from your song, "You're so beautiful.." I got little butterflies.
And then some.
Love the concept, man. If i find the idealized dude in this song, I'm going to let him kiss my lips all day if he asked to.
haha.
~ S.
P.S. Your mum IS Filipino, right?
---------
(JK. Seriously now...Joke post, everyone. Have a good week ahead.)
Monday, January 24, 2011
Take care of you.
------
After doing my rounds on my patients last Sunday, I still had a few minutes to spare before Sunday Mass at the hospital chapel was supposed to start. I knew my friend Pettie was on duty at the hospital (I wasn't), and so I decided to bring her some doughnuts and coffee.
I called her to check if she was at the pedia ward at the time, and when she picked up, I went the way I usually call her, "Hoy, Petula! Are you on-duty?" She laughed, and I had to go, "What's so funny?" And she said, "Sorry, I didn't know my phone was on loudspeaker, everybody in the callroom heard you say that 'crisp' way you talk, and they all laughed."
(Err... yeah. My bad. Pettie is short for Petula, but for fun sometimes (and because of familiarity), I call her Petula. The crisp Cebuano accent is also part of it. )
So when I got to her ward, i just dropped off the coffee and left. The Pediatrics ward (and anything involving these little kids) is one of the busiest wards in the hospital. When I saw her, she looked pretty harassed, and even though it was just 11:50 AM, she looked like she'd been working a day already. "Hey Man, here, you better have this too," I said, as I handed her the iced coffee. They were just about to start their patient endorsements, and as usual, she was in a hurry.
-------
Later, for dinner, I met up with friends of mine from school. Actually, they were a year ahead of me, but since I hung out with them alot back when we were in medical school, it wasn't any different when I got to start residency. I was always a part of the group, an honorary class member. We had dinner at a Persian restaurant, called Arya at the mall, and had coffee afterwards.
As always, we had a good time. The POC Ortho Boys JoeJoe and Tope were there, Chamie and I from PGH Psych were there, Roxanne from Adventist Medical was there too, along with Gen from Pedia and Vera from Patho (who happens to live in the next building).
These get-togethers are always fun for me. Especially since lately, I've been having spells of homesickness, or loneliness every now and then, which is totally uncharacteristic. I live alone in a relatively big house (and it doesn't have cable or internet access, that's why) and although I'm not complaining about my digs, sometimes it's just good to hang out with familiar faces.
If there's anything basic I've learned in Psychiatry, it's that, to survive, you need to have a good primary support group...otherwise, you'll fragment and have a psychotic break (but that's like, in the worst cases of course).
We talked about people, the news, work, new research, plans....just the usual. It's like having a family, where you take care of each other, I suppose.
Gen Yap made a joke about how we Psych people were so "non-toxic" we could go about in heels and skirts, doing the "rampa". "Hey...it's not all that cushy a job, Gen, listening to people talk about their problems and helping them through it is not that easy."
(Hell, I think I'm even developing a permanent crease in my forehead from holding my "Interview Face" for long periods...:-))
-------
Sometimes I think, that freedom of choice comes with a price. You put yourself in a place full of the possibilities of a great adventure, but you know fully well that there are also things familiar to you that will have to leave behind, even if temporarily.
------
My friend Pettie makes great sandwiches. One time, when I was from duty, and didn't have any dinner, she reached into her bag and said, "Hey, I made you a sandwich." Tuna on Wheat Bread. Yum. (One of my favorites.)
------
I do stuff like that for my other friends as well, it's not that I expect them to pay me for it, or expect them to give me the same thing in return, I always thought that if you could make things just little bit better for another person, then you should.
We all need to take care of each other around here. :-)
:-)
Anyway, Good night. (I'm on duty tomorrow.)
~ Sonia.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
The Instrument
Sunday, January 9, 2011
The Human Drama
Thursday, January 6, 2011
The January Epiphany (-ies)
Epiphanies
This morning, as I was rushing out to get to work, the lady at the lobby of my building called out to me: "Miss Stephanie? This came in for you…"
(Ooooh, a surprise!)
I nearly giggled with glee. (I absolutely love surprises.)
It was a present from a good friend and mentor who sent it by mail. It felt like Christmas and I was being a big kid again; excitedly running my fingers all over the stamps and picking at the adhesive of the envelope to open it right away. My purse and book bag were kind of heavy, but I had both my hands unwrapping the present while walking towards the hospital (I couldn't wait til I had sat down and settled, of course.)
"I wonder what she got for me…" I thought as I flipped the envelope around in my hands. It had the logo of the Philippine Psychiatric Association so I figured she must've sent me a brochure for another conference or something. When I pulled out the contents, though, I got the nicest surprise ever. J
And if that wasn't enough, I got this, as well.
)
(Thank you for your Christmas present, Doc Eunice. I've said it before, and I'll say it again…I LOVE IT!"
Epiphany 1: Jessica Zafra does quite the sharp commentary. Biting, but true, it makes you realize that there are things in life that are so frustratingly real and stupid (or very nice), they eventually become very amusing anyway. (And no, I don't feel worthy to critique her book.) I used to read her before, but then someone said that her stuff was getting to be repetitive. And then some part of me started to think that "Hey, maybe she'll always be like that, bitter. And ranting against all these common ironies but not really doing anything about it." So ok, I'm changing my mind now.
-----
Reading Twisted 9 was actually why I started writing… after a long time of putting it off, picking up a fountain pen and some clean white paper and writing this one out. (Irony.)
-----
I got another book for Christmas, as well. Another Booker Prize winner of a book, and probably a secondhand one, because everytime I open the book to smell between the pages (yes, it's a habit),I conjure in my mind a 56 year-old guy who wears musky cologne, has hairy arms, a cute little potbelly tiny reading spectacles perched on his bulbous nose, reading, with his toddler granddaughter playing with her toys at his feet. And his name would be, I don't know…Herman? :-p
"What do you think about this book?" I asked Chamie, a friend and co-resident, a voracious reader herself (she's read it already)." "Well, it's a little long-winded, but it's a really nice love story."
Enough said. I'm sleeping with the book beside me tonight.
(I love secondhand books and I love [love] stories, especially those that win prizes, so Thank you, I'm very happy with the present. J)
Epiphany no. 2: The book is a "rare and spellbinding book of dreams."
-----
I asked for a fountain pen for Christmas, a red one.
And then, I realized that I already one. Why would I ask for another one like it? (I had bought this fountain pen for myself a few months ago.)
Epiphany no.3: I don't think we'd ever be given something we ALREADY have. Instead, we will be given something we need at the time we are ready for it. J Realizing this, I suppose I should have asked for something that isn't store-bought, like maybe the heart of a boy on a silver platter, or patients that are manageable, or non-toxic duty skeds, for Christmas? Haha. Tsk tsk…but that's not how the world works.
-----
Epiphany no.4: PGH has a lot of goodlooking men.
It does, actually. And each, probably with talent and brains to boast of. It IS PGH, after all (and I say this with pride, haha.) Kaya lang, there is a chance that they will eventually, in one way or another poke and probe you, in terms of your medical life.
Case in point. Last month, we had our physical examinations done during the application process. In the last part, the dentist check-up, I got decked to this tall, dentistry guy who lives in my building… Now, I thought he was cute in a geeky, Sheldon Cooper way, but with a techie, basketball player vibe, but I never really knew anything about him other than the fact that he was always in blue green scrubs, and had the College of Dentistry thing on his blazer pocket.
J
So anyway, he to got to peer in the recesses of the sanctum sanctorum of Stephanie Miaco, MD…her mouth. J My teeth, unlike my brother's, are less than perfect, so I naturally felt self-conscious. I didn't have any cavities (whew!), but he did say I needed to have my wisdom teeth taken out as soon as I can. And then he signed my slip. (DONE!)
Getting my teeth checked is like having someone probe me for secrets. It can get pretty embarrassing, and I have some of my own to hide. :-p
Oh, and I saw his first name on his nameplate, but like his last name…I had forgotten it as well. All I vaguely remember is that his name started with the letter P.
------
Epiphany no. 5: "There is no teaching from without."
(If that line above reads like something Yoda or Bruce Lee would say, I'd have to beg your pardon…it's the best way I can use to express this feeling that I have.")
I was the first one of our newbie group of residents to go on duty this year. And, it being a Sunday, and a day after the first of January, I really didn't have that many patients to see.
Actually, what caused me more anxiety was the idea of interviewing the patients in Tagalog, not the fact that I'll probably end up with an agitated patient running around the ER (Oh, and by the way, the people here have a short term for it, it sounds like, "ah-jit" J) ß Side note: Better nga, kaysa naman sasabihin mong "nag-wild", di ba? J)
My senior, Mafin (who refuses to let me call her Ma'am, a title we give to seniors and consultants here) was great. Anyone who's ever gotten lost in the dark would surely welcome the beacon of light, right? (Thank you, Mafin.)
Chamie jokingly called me the "sacrificial lamb" because I was the first, and I did feel like one. Kulang na lang mag-bleat ako. Baaaaah.
J Joke.
You know what else they joked about, "You know Atep, for us to easily get referrals, you should get yourself a boyfriend from the main departments…no wait, suitors! 'Cause suitors can't say "No." (Ha ha. Thank you very much…)
-----
Epiphany no. 6: Sometimes, not getting what we want when we want it (i.e. right away) can be good for us too.
In recent months, I've learned that not everything we want will be given to us right away…it all takes agonizingly long (if it's going to count) and entails a lot of hard work (if it's going to really matter). It's basically true for everything…school, work, relationships, life itself. If we all had it easy, we'd all get bored right away, right?
(And I don't like being bored. It gives me dandruff. Kidding.)
----
So, today, on the day of the Three Kings (and the day when we all supposedly take down the twinkly Christmas decorations), I wish you a full, happy, insightful year ahead.
To Epiphanies! J
(Thank you, that was a long read…and you've been a great audience.)
Photo: Light and dark
Happiness (and other things in life, besides) comes from within. You can't give any from without.
An important lesson I learned these past few days as a Resident...that to be able to teach, and teach effectively, you've got to do a whole lot of reading on your own.
(A friend of mine, who is also a Psychiatry resident said in her Christmas card, "Enjoy as much as you can, and learn as much as you can during residency!" :-) I fully intend to.)
Have a nice day, everyone!
It's Epiphany Day today. (Here's wishing you a good one, filled with the epiphanies you need. :-))
Love,
S.
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