Random, Semi-Secret Tales of Life, Loves, and Medicine. My days during the the Psychodynamic Leap, and doing Psych Residency in Manila.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Tired.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Calendar Rule
“It’s always best to have babies early…that way, you’ll still be young when they grow up…” she said.
I was quietly sitting at the side table near the nurses’ station this morning, quietly summing up the intake and output data of my patients for the past 24 hours when I overheard the above mentioned snippet from a conversation.
I smiled, and thought to myself, “Here we go again.”
Because I got curious (I am always interested to hear people talk about their opinions), I decided to put in a question, “Why, Ma’am, what do you think is the best marrying age, then?” I asked without pretense, or any hint of sarcasm. She was a married woman, she had kids, and most importantly, she had an opinion, so I pressed on.
“Well, I got married at 27, but if I were to choose, I would have married way earlier, like maybe 22 or something…” She said as a she worked. “Why, look at L., she and her kid will be just like brother and sister when her child grows up.”
“Uh-hmm…” I nodded quietly, waiting for her to go on.
“How about you, doc, when are you planning to have children?” she asked me.
“Well, let’s see…I think I’ll start having children when my monthly allowance/salary gets to more than Php 5000.00, at least….” I joked.
(We medical interns get that amount for working in the hospital. Since I live with my parents right now, I live on that for now, and these days, I’m guilt-ridden every time I have to ask for an allowance.)
We had a bit of a laugh after that, and the conversation was shifted to another topic. Eventually, everyone had to start getting back to work.
The topic popped into my head when I got home, and had no intention of relenting from my thoughts until I did something about it. I wasn’t getting anywhere with my studying so I decided that talking about it was going to give it a release of sorts (so I can go back to my life.haha.)
To be perfectly honest, I don’t intend on spending my life as a career woman, just focused on work and the path to “success”, where it would be highly likely that before I know it, I will have been old and grey and will be dying alone. Or worse…
That can’t be helped, because that is a common image people have of women in Medicine. Many doctors I know have been doing just that, focusing on work until one day, they come to realize that time had passed them by, and it was too late to do anything about it. There is a stereotype attached to women doctors sometimes, and I for one think it’s derogatory. That of being a mangkay, or an old maid, or a spinster…a woman who had apparently been to hard to reach for the common man, a woman so choosy because she could afford to be with her high stature, that in the end, she ended up with no one, all alone, and growing older by the day.
While I have nothing against getting married early, I do feel that sometimes, people tend to go overboard with the “Calendar Rule.” What is the calendar rule, you ask? Well, it’s something I coined, based on some people’s notions that once a woman hits the age of thirty, she’s “old” and therefore “undesirable” and therefore, would have a hard chance of getting married.
My goodness.
It’s a bit silly, if you ask me.
Perhaps we equate a woman’s desirability with her youth too often that we have failed to consider that maybe women who reach the age of thirty are not about to be discounted in the looks division, too, or in the fertility aspect… A woman in her thirties would probably be a better-adjusted mother, more accomplished and more capable of dealing with making choices. The thing about not being able to “adjust” to your child because you’re a good 30 years older than he/she would be is just unfounded. Any woman willing to make the effort can do so, if you ask me.
Perhaps it won’t be fair to these women to relegate them as “old-maids” and spinsters, because they chose not to think about settling down before they’re thirty. Being a good mother doesn’t mean that you have to be within 20 years older than your kid, I’m sure, but it’s about being the best person and example you can be for your child.
It takes a long time for a person to become matured, and in my opinion, honestly, I think a mother who has gone through the usual hang-ups, the usual myriad of uncertainties of being young will be a better mother, because she is more adjusted. But when would that age be?
Sure, they say that as a woman grows older, she will have a higher risk of delivering, well,high-risk babies (i.e. Down’s Syndrome, babies with birth defects, etc, etc…), but then again, so is the young mother who, yes, had babies young, but was not matured enough to stop drinking while she was pregnant… Also, everything is a gamble, including genetics, and if there’s one thing I know, it all really boils down to probabilities and possibilities. There is no such thing as a sure thing.
I mean, it’s a case to case basis. It’s not fair to simply say that having babies at a young age would guarantee a better childhood and a better family, while, those who are over thirty are sure to be having problems, or worse, not be having any family to speak of…
*whew*
I’m resisting the urge to tug at my collar to let off some steam, because I am literally sounding like I’m about to burst from the effort of containing my opinions to myself. Maybe I’m writing for me, the twenty-seven year-old me, who wants to wait and focus on my goals today…and the thirty-year-old me, who wants to have babies when she’s ready, and she’s found the right man (or he’s found her.:-))
It’s like this, I don’t want to be having to stroll into a mall with my child, where, I know he’ll be going over to an attractive spot and be soon persuading me to buy him something he fancies. I don’t want to be the kind of mother who flips the book/toy over to look for the price tag and be a little dismayed because I find that it won’t fit my budget (nor his dad’s budget), because, eventually, I’ll be feeling bad that I won’t be able to give him that privilege. I want to be the mother who holds his hand while he pulls me to that place where he found this magical toy or book and be readily able to pay for it and get it for him, because I’ve seen how his eyes sparkle just by finding it. And then, we’ll go home and I’ll be able to play with him, share the satisfaction of getting that toy or book with him. His dad will be happy, too, and everything will follow.
*sigh*
I’m wishing for things to be perfect, and I want to be someone my child can be proud of. I want him to have a comfortable life, that’s all. Financially and emotionally in the very near future, I’m trying to be ready.
SO while I’m getting on with my life, I don’t want to have to feel that once I’m 30, I’ll be worth less (or, ironically, worth too much) for my own good, just because other people think or say so.
And besides, in all fairness, I think women get better with age, anyway. Women get less awkward, and enjoy themselves as they fulfill more and more of their goals each time. Life, sex and love included.
-----------------
Now do you remember the “Calendar Rule”?
;-)
----------------
Disclaimer: Strictly a case to case basis. This blogger would like to reiterate that there is definitely nothing wrong with getting married young. At the time of writing, the blogger is currently single, recently broken-up, earning 5000 per month and about to take the medical licensure board exam in 3 months.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Point and Shoot: Silliman Medical Center
Monday, April 13, 2009
Tagalog Anxiety
What scares you the most?
For as long as I can remember, I never did like speaking in Tagalog. Maybe I did up until I was 10 years old and still very confident, but somewhere along the way, I felt self-conscious. I never could get the accent right, and I lacked the necessary speaking vocabulary.
Someone asked me once, “Can you understand what I’m saying?”
(I’m even too chicken to write the question in Tagalog, which was the original language by the speaker.:-p)
My reaction to that was just to smile and say, “Yes, don’t worry, I can understand everything you’re saying to me…”
Now, listening to and understanding is quite simple, really. Tagalog is a fairly easy enough language to understand, certain words are lifted from dialects I’m familiar with.
Talking, and speaking it? Now, that’s a different story. Being expected to converse in Filipino makes me break out in a cold sweat. Lol… It gives me a bit of anxiety, and more often than not, what happens is that I talk back in English, or I start thinking in Hiligaynon (which is totally far out, I know. haha) OR…I just nod my head and smile. :-p
Trust me, the possibility of embarrassing myself weighs heavy in my case. Maybe it’s not my fault, maybe it’s just the way circumstances have presented themselves. My father and his siblings studied in Manila…they can speak Tagalog without any accent… But we don’t speak the language at home. Most of the time, of course, the lingua franca of my home is basically, Cebuano and English. Ask anyone from here, speaking in English is more common than speaking the national language, almost.
And I don’t watch a lot of Tagalog movies.
Don’t get me wrong, though. I love the language. My anxiety is from a deep-rooted fear of making a mistake and embarrassing myself in front of people. Admittedly, the way they portray Cebuanos, or people from the provinces speaking Tagalog is that of a very coarse, not highly educated individual speaking in a rough tone, butchering all the words. In short, it becomes funny slapstick for some (even if it isn’t) and I don’t want to be labeled as someone who talks like that.
And so, I shut up most of the time. Or if I don’t, I speak in English, which feels like more comfortable and familiar.
I like listening to people who can speak Tagalog flawlessly. It is almost as melodious as Hiligaynon… It’s fairly amusing, actually. It is pretty simple a language, and is considerably more familiar, which is quite funny that I am more keen on learning French and Japanese, when in fact, I can’t even master my own.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Of Pens and Pixels
My pockets are always bulky.
My right would contain my beloved camera and my breast pocket would contain my handy pens.
I can’t wait, really. :-p
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When Ligaya put up the topics for this month’s blog rounds, I was initially excited…the theme was so…free, and it felt like I could write anything at all, and not be encumbered by any “theme”, so to speak. As I sat in front of the pc, with fingers poised over the keys, I realized that…yes, my fingers had remained that, poised over the keypads, waiting for some divine inspiration to hit me and set my words into flow…
Like life, writing doesn’t come easy… a blank piece of paper that we all start with, puts us on the brink of a new challenging beginning. As with every other project, every major undertaking that comes our way, we have to start with a plan. And we have to start with a clean sheet.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
10 random thoughts.
Staircase
I took this snapshot a few minutes earlier... can you guess what this might be?
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Tiptoeing?
March 29, 2009
1:12 AM
A couple of weeks ago, one of my co-interns told me something quite surprising.
“One of the consultants mentioned that she read your blog. They were mentioning it earlier during the meeting…” She shared.
“Omigosh, which one??” I asked, mortified.
“Oh, they were talking about the one you wrote about another consultant, and they understood who you meant.”
I was horrified. I instantly knew which entry she meant. It was the time when I was berated and thought of as arrogant because of certain words I said. (I wasn’t being arrogant at all, in fact, it was all just a big misunderstanding. And, in that blog entry, I did concede that I may have used the wrong words, which I still believe were harmless enough anyway.)
“What did they say?” I asked, almost frantic.
“We didn’t wait to find out…we had already left the room.” She said, and she added that I really couldn’t do anything about it now, since I had posted something online, which meant that it was open for all to see.
In a state of panic, I tried to ring up some friends so they could check out that blog entry in question (I happened to be on duty at the hospital and had no access to an internet connection). I wanted to make sure that I didn’t put in anything that would implicate me (I wasn’t very sure, to be perfectly honest). The first friend I rang wouldn’t pick up…even after three rings. The second did. And he promptly went online to check it out.
Well, to make the long story short…the blog entry was just about me talking about how I felt being cornered. No names were mentioned, no reputations were trashed. (I never do that in my blogs anyway.)
Lessons to be learned?
One friend said that blogging about work was going to get me in trouble if I wasn’t careful. Period. My Ma and I talked about it while I was getting ready for work. She was cool about it, and in the end said that no one could stop me from voicing out my opinion if I had one.
(Thanks,Ma.:-) )
I never should take my being part of the blogosphere lightly, I know. Whatever I write in here should be the product of foresight. I know I talk about this being an avenue for my personal catharses, but really, I’m not just some angsty teen (no offense meant) who doesn’t think twice before posting about little life events.
I think before I write too, you know.
I don’t mean any disrespect, much less arrogance for my part, and if it matters, I don’t write because I dislike a person. I write because I want to share how something makes me feel.
The things I write about are my opinions at a certain point in time and are as dynamic as the hours and days I spend in life. There are precious few ways for one to leave a mark, and I’m choosing this one as mine.
Maybe I don’t have to explain myself, because since I have been bold enough to write about certain [sensitive] things, I have to be bold enough to stand by the consequences of writing such things…
A “Repeat Rotation” won’t be justified, though.
Haha. (Nervous laugh).
Tired
March 29,2009
12:36 AM
It was just one of those days…they don’t come often.
Followers
Popular Posts
-
I found this while looking around Youtube on my off-day. Richard Linklater's Before Sunset is one my favorite movies. This...
-
"Ok, give me a smile..." The photographer guy coaxed me gently. I remembered my mother holding my brother by the hand, lookin...
-
Peek-A-Boo. (Bus Ride to Dumaguete. March 23, 2010) ...lady. (I like taking pictures of kids. They're absolutely easy to ...
-
I have an hour to "steep" in before the billing office opens... It's too short a time to read "One Flew Over The Cuckoo...
-
March 29, 2009 1:12 AM A couple of weeks ago, one of my co-interns told me something quite surprising. “One of the consultants mentioned...
-
Matthew Gray Gubler. :-) I'm a big fan of geeky geniuses. especially ones like him. #celebritycrush
-
One time I told some boy a dream I had (he was also in it.) And he said Analyze it. I think I've been overworked...I want to take a ...
-
Are you married? Me: Nope. Do you have a boyfriend? Me: Nope. :-p Are you dating? Me: Nope. Are you seeing anyone? Me: Nope. Are you plannin...
-
Some songs make me sad sometimes... Snow Patrol's song is making me a tad bit sad right now... The cadence, the lyrics... Or is it...
-
I feel a bit melancholy tonight... After reading Cecelia Ahern's book, "Love, Rosie", I thought I'd rest my mind from...